Trip East

I am from:
earth.
salmon earth meeting salmon sky streaks on a hill walk
toes sloshing in sheepskin boots
lovers parting to meet old lovers,
hearts hurting.
The wind blew hard and some hats began to fly away.
Down below, the the barked to the people above.




A year ago we tromped over stiff grasses iced with winter.
We tiptoed across the creek and
I shuddered recalling secrets I used to show you.
Later, when we had warmed our toes,
when we had eaten sweet potatoes
and said goodnight to your dying stepdad,
I crawled into your bed and you painted me like you used to.
I asked if I was still beautiful and you said yes.

This year again, we sloshed through sunset-ice and melting snow,
your beast dog bounding ahead.
I doubted myself as you showed me the ease of your creation,
as you slipped into the nonsense that holds me at bay.
This year we walked with my lover and his old lover.
I felt alone and alive
and when we climbed the fire tower the wind lioned its way into
many parts of me.

We came down in the dark.
My toes stayed cold and wet while I drove home alone,
letting the radio merge into my crying.
This year I took refuge in my cobbled family,
the warmth of a feisty sister in law.
Now I am flying back over the mountains,
to the place where I didn't know you but I dreamed of you,
the place that you didn't come because it would quell your fire
with its spongy earth and pouring rain.

To Do:

Visit Utah
Learn to sew
Knit beauty
Travel
Be at Naropa
Create ecstatic partnership
Cook beautiful foods
Live on a farm
Grow food for myself and others
Have horses and bunnies and goats
Raise children with Rebekah
Love my sweetie as fully as I can
Fall in love with my little one
Make beautiful art and show it
Grow close with my brother
Develop a strong yoga practice
Find my voice
Empower people around me
Love my body all the way through

Love

Acorn squash
Sunsets
Holding hands
Horses
Puppies
Poppies
Ripe mangoes
Yoga
Deep breathing
Trees
Farmers markets
Sharing feelings
Community

All of Me

Things I love:
The Self
God
Sunsets
This beautiful earth
Horses
Music
Growing vegetables
Friends
My honey
Sharing feelings and being real
Seeing truth
Heart explosions

Things I want in this life:
A home in the woods with space to grow and be together
Big travel
Seeing the most beautiful, alive places
Children
Ecstatic partnership
The ever deepening whirl of freedom
Peace and love with my family

Things that tear me up:
My compulsive relationship with food
Sometimes hating my body
Feeling inadequate and hiding myself
Living in a city
Working full time
Fighting with my mom

Things I miss:
My brother
Rick
Rebekah

Things I hope for:
Radiant health
Inner balance and strength
Divine openings
Loving community
Collective awakening