Goodbye Baba

I did not fully realize how important my grandfather was to me until he died. He gave me a big gift in this life. He taught me that I am special. He taught me to fill my heart with love, and to share it with those around me.

Baba honored and adored me. He delighted in my presence and my beauty. He taught me to play tennis and he gave me math problems to solve. He would say to me, "Yes Princess, what is it that you want? Whatever you want you can have."

What he gave me most is a sense that I am loved just for being who I am, and that the people around me are so happy to share life with me. For me he was a source of love and light and beauty, of passion and devotion to the heart. When I would leave his house after a visit he would say, "I'm going to miss you for a long, long time."

I wish I had a big story I could share today that would demonstrate how I know my grandfather loved me unconditionally. But all I have are little slices of memory, of his smiling face, of him saying, "Oh wow," and "Jan, did you know she could do that?" And what I carry with me now is an open heart and a deep love of life. I know that Baba saw that in me when I was a child, and he helped me cultivate it, simply by being my loving supporter.

During the week before Baba died, I felt his presence daily. I journeyed with him as his soul tied loose ends and found peace in all that had been painful. When he began to open to the Infinite, I prayed for angels to surround him and guide him into the next realm. I sent my heart to him, and in return he gave me a glimpse of the bliss of uniting with God.

In dying, my grandfather has given me such a gift. He created space for me to be present for his soul's journey home. And in the wake of his passing, he has left room for me to reflect on how I choose to be alive in this world - how I may be happy and free, loving and giving; how I may honor myself and those around me.

The day after his death I went for a hike along Eagle Creek, an epic ridge in Northwestern Oregon, and I thought about how Baba found peace in nature. I felt his presence in the hawks soaring overhead and the sunlight glinting through the trees. I told the story of his life to my friends. I cried because I felt an emptiness where he had been. One friend said that now I carry my grandfather with me. I am who I am because of him, and I go forward into the world treasuring and sharing the gifts he has given me.

These days I am learning to live from my heart in every moment, to ground through my center and live in my joy. From a place of connection with Heaven and Earth, I am learning to serve humanity - to bestow my blessings on those around me. I do a lot of work with children, and this month I am starting a Waldorf teacher training program. Baba's love has enabled me to give my gifts and to let my light shine brightly.

Last weekend I went back to Eagle Creek, and I jumped off a cliff into a waterfall. I was quite scared, but as I plunged into the cold water, I felt reborn into a life full of joy and passion, and commitment to humanity's awakening. I felt Baba's light shining down on me, as if he were a bird perched on a tree above, watching and congratulating me for stepping into my truest expression.

Now Baba becomes an angel for me, guiding me and helping me grow into my true self. This is my prayer to him:

May I be loving
May I be generous
May I delight in the beauty around me
May I sit in peace

And this is my prayer for all of us who have gathered here today, and for all those who have known my grandfather: may we look within ourselves and find the parts of Rahim that we hold, both painful and beautiful. Let us come together and honor him, so that we may carry his heart and his love and his many gifts forward into this world.